Middle School or Not....

To homeschool my ASD son or not, that is the question.

If I homeschool him:

1. I can probably keep him off of medication - he is the ONLY ASD child I know who is not on medication. I fully expect he may need it at some point, but for now, isn't that a success?

2. He can learn in a less stressful environment. I can answer the questions about work that he simply would not ask in school.

3. I can provide more controlled opportunities for socialization - although I can never match the regularity of daily exposure to the same kids that public schools provide. But I can provide opportunities that have more potential to be successful with younger kids (specifically, kids who are 2 years or more younger than he is).

4. Our family harmony is more likely to be maintained since he will not be maxed out by the demands of public school - not just academic, but dealing with noisy hallways, schedules, etc...

5. He is more likely to be happier at home than in school. And I think that matters, whether he is happy or not.

This is what other people tell me:

1. He will receive a better education in some areas. Will he? If he is overwhelmed by noise in the classroom, if he can't focus, if he won't ask questions he needs for clarification? I certainly do agree the potential is there for him to get a better education, but is he ready to seize it? If I homeschool middle school, I will use a prepared, accredited curriculum.

2. He will get "socialization". Will he? What does that mean? I've talked to several people with ASD kids in middle school, and they have to deal with bullying and a stressed out child. Only 1 of 7 ASD middle school children I know of actually has friends. The rest don't! What they learn is that they are "weird", "unlikeable", and so on. My son, who is almost 12, plays with 9 year olds well, not 12 year olds. He is immature. But 9 year olds in school think it odd to play with kids not of their age. In the homeschool world, that is not the case.

3. He has to join the real world sometime. Yes he does, and he will. But why not on his terms? Why not when he is ready? He learned to ride a bike in 30 seconds when he was ready at age 8. We spent the summers when he was 5 and 6 trying to teach him and he couldn't learn - but he wasn't ready. We gave up when he was 7, and he completely surprised us one day when he was 8 by getting on a bike and riding it down our driveway.

And here is another thought, what is so "real world" about school? Where else in the real world do you interact only with people your own age? Where else in the real world are people so cliquish? Well, perhaps country clubs, but in general, that fades away...

4. You are sheltering him. I am, in a way, but the thing is, for my son, every single day is a challenge. He is still learning to deal with the minor frustrations of siblings and unexpected plans in an appropriate way. School would provide significant additional frustrations before he has the skills to deal with them, and would likely require him to take medication.

5. He might enjoy it and have fun. He might. That is the one thing that gives me pause, he might like it, it might be good for him. Will he be like the 1 in 7 ASD kids I know of who has friends and likes middle school? Or will he be like the 6 in 7 who do well academically but have no friends, take meds, and explode constantly at home when the meds wear off?

What to do.....

Spring Flowers...

Taking some pictures this spring...here are some of my favorites...all taken in my yard.....

Plum blossom on my driveway....

Crocus


Daffodil up close...



Reflection in a puddle (lots of rain this spring)


Another view of the crocus...these were planted years ago, and make an appearance sporadically....

Little Birdies....

These birds are much cuter than they look in the photo, they have contrasting fabric on their breasts, and they are quite addictive to make.

A friend forwarded the pattern from this website. The birds on the Spool website use much brighter and cuter fabric - we have lots of upholstry fabric scraps, so that's what we used. I will say that it is practically impossible to get a crisp beak using upholstry fabric! Nevertheless they were very cute as part of our Thanksgiving decorating.

Anyway, my daughter was so taken with these birds that she wanted to learn how to hand sew so she could make some for Christmas presents. I am just thrilled by this emerging interest in arts and crafts in my daughter! Our next project will be felted snowballs for the babies on our street.

Stamp Carving and Reba...

I'm a bit obsessed with Reba McEntire these days, after seeing her and Kelly Clarkson in concert in Baltimore, and then pulling out all of my Reba TV show dvds and watching them sequentially (my son and I are mid-way through season 2 right now). She is quite funny in her show, and extremely appealing on stage.

I crave her energy and enthusiasm, as evidenced by the many creative career projects she has going (the latest rumor - she may be back on Broadway in "Anything Goes"). Her public persona is much more of an energetic doer rather than an introverted thinker - and I mean that as a compliment, coming from someone who longs to break out of the over-thinking paralysis I often find myself in. Yes, I know, apples and oranges, but honestly, I'll take my inspiration/motivation wherever I can find it.

Well anyway. So I decided to spend my procrastination time (I should be painting the basement for a houseguest December 19th) by carving a stamp of Reba for my November contribution to a bi-monthly carving swap I participate in.

The image to the left shows the original photograph I used, as well as a carving block with the image transferred onto it and partially carved. I used tracing paper and a pencil to trace the image from the photo, and then placed it face down on the block and rubbed the paper to transfer my traced pencil image.

Finally, I carve the image using Speedball carving tools. The image shows up on the block in reverse, but when you ink it and print it, the image will be shown correctly.

This is the final image - unfortunately the flash on my camera reflected off of the ink I used, so you can't see the details very well.

Overall I'm pleased with how it turned out - I experimented with cross hatching for the shadow of her arm and mic, and I really liked carving her hair and the hand holding the mic. I do wish, however, that I had selected a photograph that looks more like the quintessential Reba. This picture isn't obviously Reba if you glance at it quickly - it was taken at a funny angle and she is pursing her lips together - so the carving looks even less like Reba.

Well anyway. I've been carving stamps on and off for about 7 years. And as for what I do with them - well, sometimes I make a few cards, many times I participate in swaps with other carvers (those are LOTS of fun), but sometimes I carve stuff just for the fun of it....

Obama Rally in Leesburg

Senator Obama was coming to Leesburg, practically my back yard. The gates would open at 3:00, and the rally would begin at 5:30. Should I attend?

Good sign number one: I called my McCain-supporting father to see if he'd babysit, and he said yes.

Good sign number two: After I showed my kids pictures on the web of other Obama rally crowds, explained to them they'd be elbow to elbow with others, that there'd be long lines, lots of noise, and lots of waiting - my son still wanted to go. This would be my son with Asperger's Syndrome. He asked me to bring earplugs, just in case.

Well far be it from me to squelch the fledgling political interests of my children, ASD or not, so off we went.

After finding parking off-site, we arrived around 2:15. The line was already long, probably a thousand or two people ahead of us. We settled down to wait for the gates to open. I brought a blanket to sit on, and books for my son to read, but I forgot water. Not smart. My son started a tale of woe almost immediately, complaining of thirst. Then he started sneezing excessively - you could SEE pollen and dust and weeds thick in the air if you squinted towards the sunlight. Not good - he can easily derailed by stuff like this.

Son, after a loud, goopy sneeze: "I wish I wasn't sneezing!"
Me: "I'm so sorry, hon. Here, use this tissue. Try to sneeze more discretely."
Son, near tears: "I'm trying! I can't help it!"
Me: "Here, take this benadryl. I wish I had Claritin with me, that wouldn't make you sleepy."
Son, increasing anxiety: "Sleepy?! I don't want to get sleepy! I'm already tired!"
Me: "No, no hon, it says it is a POSSIBLE side effect. You may not get sleepy. Don't worry about that anyway, you can put your head on my lap if you do. The important thing right now is to stop the sneezing."
Son, even more anxiety: "I feel like I can't breathe!"
Me, as soothingly as possible: "Hon, you can breathe. Let's do deep breathing through our mouths together, and get the air all the way deep in our lungs."
Son: "Maybe its because there aren't any trees next to us. You said trees give off oxygen."
Me: "Well, that's true, but I promise you the air has plenty of oxygen even if we aren't next to trees."

He finally settled down on a blanket, and tried to read. I chatted with the people around me. What an incredibly diverse crowd - senior citizens, families, teenagers, young adults, all from a variety of backgrounds. Everyone's excitement was palpable.

We all felt lucky to be where we were in line as we saw the line double in size behind us (those are people in line along the horizon). At 3:00, the line moved quickly. In no time we were up at security, unzipping our jackets and showing our cameras and cell phones.

Once inside, my first mission was to find out about the helicopter in the air that was making my son nervous. A policeman informed him that it was most likely a press helicopter.

Second mission, find water. I got in what I thought was a long line for a concession stand, and an Obama volunteer directed me to the proper place, to the end of an even longer line. I asked if there was another place I could purchase water for my son, and the volunteer said, somewhat conspiratorially, that he'd get me a bottle,.

Third mission, find a place to sit! Initially we were up front, quite close to the stage. However, I realized my son would not be able to see over the tall adults standing in front of us, so we sought refuge on the slope in the back of the site. We had much more room to breathe back there - it was positively civilized compared to the crush of up front, so we were quite satisfied with our move.

Now it was about 4:30. Only one hour to wait! At 5:00 festivities began with the Pledge of Allegiance, a prayer, and the National Anthem. Then we waited a bit longer and saw a motorcade drive behind the stage. The crowd began screaming and clapping, both my son and I were energized by the enthusiasm and joined in.

Senate candidate Mark Warner came out and spoke to the crowd, and that was when we realized that our amazing spot provided a clear view of what must have been the teleprompter! We couldn't see Mark Warner's head at all, just a black thing that looked like a music stand. So we had to quickly move --what a bummer, stepping over people's stuff and trying to find a decent spot that didn't block other people's views.

Then Governor Kaine came out and spoke. Through all of this, my son was jumping up and down and clapping at the right parts, his enthusiasm still running high.

Finally - Senator Obama! He walked slowly across the stage, making sure to wave to people on the side of the stage. What a tall man! How very presidential he seemed. And what a nice, easy demeanor. He opened with a joke about how we all looked like Virginians to him. He eased into policies, starting with his tax plan. He talked about his tax plan actually benefiting Joe the Plumber, and joked that Senator McCain's policies were designed for Joe the Hedge Fund Manager, or Joe the CEO. I loved listening to him speak.

Unfortunately, around this time my son started getting upset. The sun was shining in his peripheral vision, it was getting colder, people kept shifting into his line of sight, he couldn't see Senator Obama very well anyway (we forgot our binoculars), and he had worn out his attentiveness listening to the earlier speeches. I coaxed him into listening a little bit more, and then headed out. The last thing I heard Senator Obama say was how he doesn't like to count his chickens before they hatch, regarding polls and elections.

We headed out past the security gates, and to my surprise there was another field packed FULL of Obama supporters! Apparently they only let so many through the security gates into the main field, and everyone else had to stand on the field beyond the fence. They probably could have fit more people on the hill where my son and I were standing (particularly on the section with the view of the teleprompter rather than the candidate), but I'm so glad they limited it, because while it was crowded, it wasn't miserably so.

All in all, a very enjoyable afternoon for this Republican, Catholic Obama supporter.
I actually used to work for two Republicans on Capitol Hill - admittedly, they were the Republicans that the right wing of the party tries to get rid of (unsuccessfully, I might add, both of my former bosses are still in Congress). And, based on some of the flyers that are being left on my van after Mass, many Catholics would cheerfully excommunicate me because of how I plan to vote. Nevertheless, that is how I view myself.

I consider myself pro-life. In fact, one of the reasons I became Catholic was because I fundamentally believe in the inherent dignity of human life. The Catholics I've known and admired have always been concerned about and active on behalf of the disenfranchised, trying to improve their lives. They've opposed the death penalty, believing that people can be redeemed. They've advocated diplomatic efforts before military force, believing that the loss of innocent lives, regardless of race, creed, or religion, is to be avoided. And, they've opposed abortion, believing it to be the killing of unborn children.

I, too, believe that abortion is a grave evil, that people are far too quick to abort what I believe to be a human being. I don't understand that. I'd like to see reasonable regulations regarding abortions, as well as more policies that encourage and help pregnant teens and women choose life.

One more thing. I have a child with a disability. I love my son with all my heart, but believe me it is not a cake walk, and he is considered high functioning ASD. We were able to meet his incredibly expensive and demanding private therapy needs without plunging our family into poverty, breaking up our marriage, or any of the other common negative outcomes, and our son has made tremendous progress. But not everyone has the resources we had. If the government is going to consider forcing a woman to deliver a child with any serious, severe disability, then the government absolutely must be willing to provide for the enormous therapeutic and educational needs of that child, to guarantee that child has health care, to ensure the child's family earns a living wage, etc... If these things were in place, then perhaps more people would choose life without laws forcing them to do so.

Other issues matter to me as well. I am not a single issue vote. I am thrilled by the opportunity and change that Senator Obama represents. I believe that the Republican mantra of unbridled "deregulation" in every industry (telecommunications, airlines, banking, energy, health, etc...) is a recipe for greed and disaster. I believe we need to be better stewards of the earth. I believe diplomatic efforts should be exhausted before our country commits to war. I believe that people who work hard ought to be able to provide a decent standard of living (certainly above poverty) for their families. I believe Americans should not be one health crisis away from financial ruin. I believe that our society needs to show more compassion for those who have mental illnesses, disabilities, and/or addictions. And, I believe that Senator Obama will take on these issues, and others, if he is elected President.

As a moderate, I confess to some unease that perhaps Senator Obama is more liberal than his speeches make him seem. But, to be honest, I am more worried that Governor Palin IS as conservative as she seems. And I'm worried that Senator McCain, who I've admired in the past for his reasonable positions on the environment, on immigration, on torture, etc..., may be less willing to stand his ground on these issues with the conservatives, particularly given his selection of a running mate.

Well anyway. My son and I had a great day!