LearningAllTheTimeToo

Middle School or Not....

2009-06-11T05:26:00.001-07:00

To homeschool my ASD son or not, that is the question.

If I homeschool him:

1. I can probably keep him off of medication - he is the ONLY ASD child I know who is not on medication. I fully expect he may need it at some point, but for now, isn't that a success?

2. He can learn in a less stressful environment. I can answer the questions about work that he simply would not ask in school.

3. I can provide more controlled opportunities for socialization - although I can never match the regularity of daily exposure to the same kids that public schools provide. But I can provide opportunities that have more potential to be successful with younger kids (specifically, kids who are 2 years or more younger than he is).

4. Our family harmony is more likely to be maintained since he will not be maxed out by the demands of public school - not just academic, but dealing with noisy hallways, schedules, etc...

5. He is more likely to be happier at home than in school. And I think that matters, whether he is happy or not.

This is what other people tell me:

1. He will receive a better education in some areas. Will he? If he is overwhelmed by noise in the classroom, if he can't focus, if he won't ask questions he needs for clarification? I certainly do agree the potential is there for him to get a better education, but is he ready to seize it? If I homeschool middle school, I will use a prepared, accredited curriculum.

2. He will get "socialization". Will he? What does that mean? I've talked to several people with ASD kids in middle school, and they have to deal with bullying and a stressed out child. Only 1 of 7 ASD middle school children I know of actually has friends. The rest don't! What they learn is that they are "weird", "unlikeable", and so on. My son, who is almost 12, plays with 9 year olds well, not 12 year olds. He is immature. But 9 year olds in school think it odd to play with kids not of their age. In the homeschool world, that is not the case.

3. He has to join the real world sometime. Yes he does, and he will. But why not on his terms? Why not when he is ready? He learned to ride a bike in 30 seconds when he was ready at age 8. We spent the summers when he was 5 and 6 trying to teach him and he couldn't learn - but he wasn't ready. We gave up when he was 7, and he completely surprised us one day when he was 8 by getting on a bike and riding it down our driveway.

And here is another thought, what is so "real world" about school? Where else in the real world do you interact only with people your own age? Where else in the real world are people so cliquish? Well, perhaps country clubs, but in general, that fades away...

4. You are sheltering him. I am, in a way, but the thing is, for my son, every single day is a challenge. He is still learning to deal with the minor frustrations of siblings and unexpected plans in an appropriate way. School would provide significant additional frustrations before he has the skills to deal with them, and would likely require him to take medication.

5. He might enjoy it and have fun. He might. That is the one thing that gives me pause, he might like it, it might be good for him. Will he be like the 1 in 7 ASD kids I know of who has friends and likes middle school? Or will he be like the 6 in 7 who do well academically but have no friends, take meds, and explode constantly at home when the meds wear off?

What to do.....

Spring Flowers...

2009-05-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

Taking some pictures this spring...here are some of my favorites...all taken in my yard.....

Plum blossom on my driveway....

Crocus

Daffodil up close...

Reflection in a puddle (lots of rain this spring)

Another view of the crocus...these were planted years ago, and make an appearance sporadically....

Little Birdies....

2008-12-02T10:18:00.000-08:00

These birds are much cuter than they look in the photo, they have contrasting fabric on their breasts, and they are quite addictive to make.

A friend forwarded the pattern from this website. The birds on the Spool website use much brighter and cuter fabric - we have lots of upholstry fabric scraps, so that's what we used. I will say that it is practically impossible to get a crisp beak using upholstry fabric! Nevertheless they were very cute as part of our Thanksgiving decorating.

Anyway, my daughter was so taken with these birds that she wanted to learn how to hand sew so she could make some for Christmas presents. I am just thrilled by this emerging interest in arts and crafts in my daughter! Our next project will be felted snowballs for the babies on our street.

Stamp Carving and Reba...

2008-12-01T10:35:00.000-08:00

I'm a bit obsessed with Reba McEntire these days, after seeing her and Kelly Clarkson in concert in Baltimore, and then pulling out all of my Reba TV show dvds and watching them sequentially (my son and I are mid-way through season 2 right now). She is quite funny in her show, and extremely appealing on stage.

I crave her energy and enthusiasm, as evidenced by the many creative career projects she has going (the latest rumor - she may be back on Broadway in "Anything Goes"). Her public persona is much more of an energetic doer rather than an introverted thinker - and I mean that as a compliment, coming from someone who longs to break out of the over-thinking paralysis I often find myself in. Yes, I know, apples and oranges, but honestly, I'll take my inspiration/motivation wherever I can find it.

Well anyway. So I decided to spend my procrastination time (I should be painting the basement for a houseguest December 19th) by carving a stamp of Reba for my November contribution to a bi-monthly carving swap I participate in.

The image to the left shows the original photograph I used, as well as a carving block with the image transferred onto it and partially carved. I used tracing paper and a pencil to trace the image from the photo, and then placed it face down on the block and rubbed the paper to transfer my traced pencil image.

Finally, I carve the image using Speedball carving tools. The image shows up on the block in reverse, but when you ink it and print it, the image will be shown correctly.

This is the final image - unfortunately the flash on my camera reflected off of the ink I used, so you can't see the details very well.

Overall I'm pleased with how it turned out - I experimented with cross hatching for the shadow of her arm and mic, and I really liked carving her hair and the hand holding the mic. I do wish, however, that I had selected a photograph that looks more like the quintessential Reba. This picture isn't obviously Reba if you glance at it quickly - it was taken at a funny angle and she is pursing her lips together - so the carving looks even less like Reba.

Well anyway. I've been carving stamps on and off for about 7 years. And as for what I do with them - well, sometimes I make a few cards, many times I participate in swaps with other carvers (those are LOTS of fun), but sometimes I carve stuff just for the fun of it....

Homeschooling with Asperger's Syndrome

2008-08-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I sent in my Notice of Intent to homeschool my rising 5th grader son, who has Asperger's Syndrome.

Watching him these last few days, I am struck by how hard life is for him. He just does not have the resiliency, the flexibility, that allows him to change an expectation and adapt. His first recourse is to regress, to fall apart, like a three year old. I am thankful these episodes are, for the most part, short lived. Within a minute, I am able to calm him, to get him to rethink the situation, and to come up with other possibilities of what he COULD have done.

Instead of screaming and throwing himself on the floor when he walked into our home and found the air conditioner off, he could have asked me if he could turn it on, and planted himself over a vent. Instead of screaming and wailing and throwing the light saber on the ground when he "lost" the battle between himself and his brother and another friend, he could have said, "I need to go home now" and vented his frustration here.

I worry about homeschooling him. I cannot allow his anger, frustration, and vocal misery to create an unpleasant climate in our home. I have to rein it in!

We often discuss perception, how a glass can be 50% full of water, and one thirsty person can see it and exclaim, "Great, the glass is half full!" and someone else can see it and wail, "Oh, man! That class is half empty!" Yet it is the same glass. He gets that.

We also talk about the idea of changing the DVD in your head. An expectation is like a DVD in your head of what you think will happen. If something doesn't happen like your DVD says, then you need to eject that DVD and put in a new one with revised expectations. It's no big deal. In fact, it is how people learn. My son gets that too.

But implementation is another issue entirely. I remind him to choose joy and to change his DVD, and he tries, and I need to give him credit for all the times he is successful (just now I heard him agree to play a different game from the one he wanted). But these issues come up at least a dozen times a day, about the most inane things.

I begin to understand why some families turn to medication. When your child is made utterly miserable by the most insignificant things in life, when you feel unable to increase your child's resiliency and flexibility, medication looks like a great option.

I'm not crossing that bridge yet. I want to give him another year, to see if he makes progress in these areas, now that I'm homeschooling him. Wish us luck.

Learning All The Time

Garden Update (or, Manuel is my new best buddy)

2008-05-08T16:06:00.000-07:00

I was GOING to do it all by myself, honest! These are my before pictures....

front yard....

wooded area in front yard....

side yard...

peonies, roses, and clematis in the back yard....

Other side of my house, standing under the plum tree...

But then when it took me 3 days to clear out one small patch of nandina seedlings, I gave in. I asked Manuel to pull weeds, put down weed guard under the Nandina, edge some of my beds, dig some sod, and mulch. And two days later, I am such a happy camper. Here are the after pictures...

Side yard under the plum tree...

Side yard bordering the woods....

Side yard facing the plum tree.....

Front yard, from my still unpainted stoop....

Front yard, facing woods...

Plant stand in front of my stoop....

BTW, the pictures were taken in late April, I am just getting around to posting to the blog...

Autism, Tae Kwondo, and other maternal musings

2008-04-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my 10 year old son's Tae Kwondo orange belt test. My son has Aspergers Syndrome - long story for another post.

Anyway, I thought Tae Kwondo would be good for him, that it would help him learn self-discipline and improve his physical prowess, as well as give him something he could legitimately be proud of.

Today, however, my son had several meltdowns (a meltdown begins with a long, loud wail of frustration, followed by a weird, contorted grimmace of anguish with mouth wide open, and then concludes with flopping down on the mat fully prostrate) during testing. The incidents followed his failure to do something he thought he should have been able to do, and/or seeing his sister do something that he failed to do.

This was torture for me, because my first instinct was to go rescue him, preventing further meltdowns and my own personal mortification. But I stayed put, unsure of the protocol for walking out onto the floor, and hoping my son would rally. The Master would let my son flop for a minute and then tell him to sit up, and thankfully, my son wasn't so far gone that he refused to obey.

The last testing event was the board breaking with a side kick. My son tried twice and failed, and the Master moved on to my daughter who broke it, resulting in another meltdown for my son. After the first pass through the class, the Master went through all of the kids who didn't break the board the first time and let them try again. The first two kids succeeded.

My son got up and tried twice, failing. Then he tried a third time and mis-aimed his foot, scraping it badly on the side of the board. He collapsed with a really loud wail and burst into tears of pain at that point, and I stood up, but the Master did not catch my eye and instead encouraged my son to try again, and, unbelievably, my son did.

And then, miracle of miracles, he broke the board with the last kick -- injured foot and all! At which point I myself was unable to hold back my own tears. Tears of happiness and thankfulness that he finally succeeded, of relief that I hadn't "rescued" him and denied him this success, and of anguish because as far as my son has come, he still has so much further to go.

I am constantly surprised by these types of revelations, that no matter how much he learns to compensate and cope with his autism, that no matter how intelligent he is, autistic behavior will still spring up and make its presence known in such spectacular ways. As the mother of a child with an invisible disability, when things are good, I hope they'll STAY good. I guess deep down in my heart of hearts I still want to believe my child will "recover", regardless of what my brain tells me. That maybe it was all a mistake, a misdiagnosis, that my incredibly bright, sweet child will figure out how to live in the world and to enjoy it "like everyone else".

But I need to knock that off!! I can't put my head in the sand about his challenges, I've got to keep teaching him how to problem solve, how to adapt, how to get his brain to overpower his impulses. And he can do it! He's learned so much, against considerable odds. It took him 3 years of daily speech and behavioral therapy to teach him to communicate, but he did it! It took him 2 years of weekly swim lessons to overcome his fear of water, but he did it! I just have to stay patient and be willing to teach him compensating strategies, over and over again. He can get it! And the world is a big, diverse, place, and my son can still live in it, enjoy it, and grow in it, even if he's not exactly "like everyone else."

And as he gets older, society will be less and less tolerant of his idiosyncracies, his occasional lack of self-control. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see parents, aghast, as my 10 year old behaved like a 3 year old, over and over again. I didn't look at any of them, not being able to stand what must be going through their minds. They have no idea how far my son has come, they could care less. All they saw, all they judged him by, was the behavior they saw at that point in time.

Well that is the way the world works. I shouldn't even be thinking about those other parents. My job right now is to see that my son stays in Tae Kwondo, because it benefits him in countless ways. I'll visit the Master and explain about my son's autism. I'll have my son write a note apologizing. Perhaps in the future, I'll have my son belt-test in private. Perhaps I'll sign him up for more weekly classes, so he has better mastery of the moves.

And if there is another outburst, perhaps I will look at the parents. Maybe one of them was glancing at him with a sympathetic eye. Maybe one of them has a relative, or a friend, with an autistic child. Maybe they weren't all as judgmental as I fear. And if he has another outburst, maybe I should be honest. "This is really difficult for him, he has autism," I could say.

I don't know. And this is where, once again, I want to bury my head, "It WON'T happen, it WON'T happen, it WON'T happen again...."

Books, Books, and More Books....

2008-03-24T17:16:00.000-07:00

Every month, I give away boxes of books to the Salvation Army, AmVets, or whoever shows up at my door to collect them.

Every month, I weed through our homeschool room and cull the books that weren't as good as I thought they'd be, or that my youngest child has outgrown.

And yet, bewilderingly, we are still quite over-run with books.

These four pictures of the homeschool room represent about 20-25% of the books in our home. There are multiple bookshelves in the children's rooms, in my bedroom, in our family room, in our basement, and in boxes in the basement - although I am seriously making an effort to get rid of the books in boxes because if they are in boxes, what is the point of owning them?

I remember when I first fell in love with a book. I was about four, and a visitor to our home brought me a beautifully illustrated book, "Snow White and Rose Red". My mother was too busy to read it to me, and I was tortured all day looking at the lovely pictures and wondering what the text said, waiting for my father to get home. That was also the day I decided I absolutely, positively, had to learn how to read myself. And I did so, in short order.

When I was a few years older, my parents divorced. My mother viewed books as clutter, so she didn't purchase them for us, but she took us to the library regularly, feeding my obsession with the written word. We spent weekends with our father, and he took us to Toys R Us twice a month to get a treat. Without fail, I always bought a book - first the Bobbsey Twins, then Nancy Drew.

And I've always considered it one of my prime responsibilities as a parent to turn my kids into bookworms. I'd say I've done a pretty good job; how many kids would read a book while they are blowing out their birthday candle?

As a homeschooler, I make it a point to use "living books" (appealing books that delight kids with new ideas and thoughts and ways of looking at or interacting with the world) rather than textbooks whenever possible.

As a homeschooler, I see exactly how books affect my kids, how my kids connect what they read to their lives. I see what resonates with them. I see exactly what interests them, and what arouses their curiosity.

And as a homeschooler, I have truly come to appreciate books as the profound gifts they are. Books are an irresistable invitation to experience the world through someone else's eyes; to be transported to another time, or another place; to learn about something, or how to do something.

Well anyway. Time to go figure out my Scholastic books order....

Learning All The Time Too

Spring is Busting Out All Over!!!

2008-03-23T14:33:00.001-07:00

Well okay, just the forsythia and daffodils right now, but I am completely motivated and energized by the sight of those yellow blossoms.

I just love SPRING!

It's a good thing I feel so energized, because spring actually means a LOT of work around the house. For example, there is our front stoop, which desperately needs fresh paint, colorful potted plants, and a new welcome mat.

Then there is the front yard, in desperate need of pruning and leaf-clearing:

Another view of the front yard:

And yet another view of the front yard, under the plum tree:

And the overgrown nandina on the side, which also needs clearing and pruning:

This is the back of the house, more leaf clearing and pruning:

And this is my deck! Even more work, it needs to be cleaned, the new deck furniture I bought needs to be assembled, etc...

I am not usually one to be motivated by the prospect of hours, days, even weeks of work! So what is so energizing about spring? Honestly, I'm not really sure.

Spring is all about new life, regeneration, and beauty, and I just love being part of it. More than New Years Day, I have the sense of new beginnings. More than New Years Day, I commit to resolutions and follow through on them. I WILL make my deck an outdoor sanctuary. I WILL protect my peonies from powdery mildew this year. I WILL train clematis to climb up my arch. And so on.

And massive rewards are just around the corner! Look at this flowering plum tree!

Look at this grape hyacinth!

All around my yard, plants are pulsing with life, pushing their way though the dirt (how I love the red tips of my peony buds), ready to explode with color. The next two to three months will literally be a parade of blooms, and I can't wait!

Disney World, Here We Come!!

2008-03-12T05:19:00.001-07:00

Okay, so we're not actually going for another 6 plus months. But I can't wait!

I've always been a little down on Disney, all that manufactured commercial 'fun', compared to say, the more natural wonders of playing on a sandy beach watching the ocean roll in, or hiking through national parks, or visiting foreign lands (theoretically at least - we've never been able to swing this).

My kids (10, 8, 6) are not actually very Disney-fied either. While they've been exposed to most of the animated feature films, they've never been obsessed. My daughter (8) never went through a princess stage, she has no idea what High School Musical is or who Hannah Montanna is, etc...

The first thing that made me reconsider was the fact that Disney is supposed to be so fabulous about food allergies. My daughter has life-threatening allergies to milk, egg, tree nuts (almonds, pecans, walnuts, etc...) as well as legumes (peanuts, peas, chick peas, lentils) and many seeds (sesame seeds, sunflower seeds). And, apparently, Disney chefs are well prepared to feed my daughter safely! Plus, our room apparently gets a special "peanut" cleaning, to make sure any families that stayed in it before us didn't leave residue that could harm B.

Usually when we go on vacation, I have to cook all the meals for B., or worry about being within range of a McDonalds, the only "restaurant" B. can eat at, given their separate fryers for French Fries and their standardized food production procedures. I have to bring all B.'s bedding, and my own stuff to clean down the room. I may do this anyway, but it is just very reassuring to know Disney has a policy in place that is intended to protect children such as B.

The second thing that made me reconsider was actually learning something about Disney! It is a pretty impressive complex, with four completely different types of parks, each containing a wide variety of attractions, rides, shows, meals, etc....

Furthermore, I take my kids to many "manufactured" experiences - zoos, museums, movies, amusement parks - and Disney just combines all of these things into one huge complex, with the aforementioned tie-ins to their movies.

But should I really begrudge Disney that? Disney is in the entertainment BUSINESS, Disney movies entertain millions of children (and adults), has done that extremely well over several decades, and, just happens to be a profit-oriented business. And if they are a massive corporate behemoth - well, it is precisely their prosperity and size that makes them able to accomodate my daughter on a scale unthinkable for most entities that deal with children.

We have reservations in a moderate resort, Port Orleans Riverside, which can accomodate our family of five. Now, given my daughter's food allergies and asthma, I do feel a little concerned about some of the on-line reports I've read that have indicated Riverside rooms are shabby and poorly maintained. But Riverside also has many positive reports, and if the room exacerbates my daughter's asthma, I have plenty of coping skills thanks to experiences in other hotels that exacerbated her asthma. Plus, Riverside is apparently being rennovated in 2008, so perhaps they'll be finished by the time we get there.

Learning All The Time

Making music reduces stress more than exercise!!

2008-02-26T17:06:00.000-08:00

According to my doctor, who says that making music is the number one stress reducer. He says it has something to do with the total concentration it requires from a different part of your brain. I believe it! I always am in a much better mood after I practice guitar and sing.

My guitar instructor has another adult student who started guitar lessons at age 50! She almost quit during the sore fingers/cramping wrists stage, but she stuck with it and now she wants to be in a band. I just love that. Right now I am totally fired up about lessons, but if I ever start wondering if I should quit, I'll just remember that lady. If I quit, when I'm 50, I'll be like her, wanting to learn to play the guitar. Whereas if I stick with it, when I'm 50, I'll be an experienced guitar player of xxxxx years.

My instructor is great. I was doing the same drills every single day, and she suggested that I split the drills up and do different combinations every day, so I don't get bored, and so that I'll actually notice progress when I cycle back through the drills. If you do the same ones every day, it's like not noticing that your dog is gaining weight, you won't notice your own progress.

So now when I am torn between going for that 10 mile run (not) or picking up my guitar, I can pick up my guitar in good conscience!

Learning All The Time

Guitar Lessons! And YouTube.....

2008-02-23T10:21:00.001-08:00

My New Year's resolution - well, one of them - was to learn the guitar this year.

I tried to learn to play the guitar years ago, in 1988, and again in 1992. I took a few lessons, learned the basic chords like C, A, G, D, Em, and maybe D7, but never really progressed beyond that - in fact, I never really mastered smooth chord changes. I didn't practice faithfully, I never got over my discouragement about barre chords, and I was easily distracted by things like dating, work, going out, and so on. Plus, I was not really surrounded by music. None of my friends or family were musically inclined, I didn't know anyone who played a musical instrument other than one friend who played classical music on the flute, and I actually felt too old to be learning the guitar! Well, here I am, almost 20 years LATER, wishing I had stuck with it back then, and I am not going to waste the next 20 years ignoring this wonderful instrument.

As George Eliot apparently said, it is never too late to be who you might have been. Well, I might have been a guitar player, and I believe George Eliot, it is NOT too late. I am going to do this, regardless of obstacles that life continues to present (I don't have friends who play guitar who can show me stuff and hang out with me; I am a busy homeschooling mom of 3; I am trying to work part time from home; and I am trying to get clutter under control and keep my house from looking like a bomb went off).

And the key to my success this year is going to be...YouTube!! I just love YouTube. I started posting weekly videos on YouTube to sort of mark my progress as a guitarist and to keep me honest about playing. Knowing I was supposed to post another video would make me practice even if I was tired and wanted to go to sleep or knew I should be getting the clothes out of the dryer before they wrinkled.

And then, people started commenting! Nice people! Well, okay, I had one really mean comment that said I sucked and that I was ugly and looked like a man, and yes, that comment was quite discouraging, but that very night I got my first subscriber, and that cheered me right up.

I will probably keep ratings disabled for a year, because I have no illusions about my talent at this point. I'm a beginner, I'm learning, I make mistakes, my voice is pitchy, blah blah blah, I know that and don't need 1 and 2 star ratings to remind me (I've got my husband to do that). But I can't begin to express how nice it is to connect, however briefly and virtually, with other people who are interested in guitar and who take the time to write something encouraging.

Another great thing about YouTube is that so many people post videos! There are people who give guitar lessons on YouTube, or post songs that they write, or just inspire me with their talent! I'm really into some of the fingerpicking bluegrass stuff I've been finding.

That's all for now...

Learning All The Time

So Why Do People Blog??

2008-01-01T06:50:00.000-08:00

And more importantly (or not, depending on your perspective), why have I decided to start a blog? Does the world need one more blog? Probably not. But is that deterring me? Apparently not.

And about the mechanics - what should I write about? I can't imagine confining a blog to one subject area - how could I choose? I could write about stamp carving, book-making, autism, food allergies, homeschooling, gardening, Voyager, making stuff. Trying to keep my head above water in an insane, amazing world. Politics. Religion. And so on.

I'll just see how it goes.

But for now, I will close with this poem by Walt Whitman.

A Noiseless Patient Spider

A noiseless patient spider,
I marked where on a promontory it stood isolated,
Marked how to explore the vacant vast surrounding,
It launched forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself,
Ever unreeling them, ever tirelessly speeding them.

And you O my soul where you stand,
Surrounded, detached, in measureless oceans of space,
Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing, seeking the spheres to connect them,
Till the bridge you will need be formed, till the ductile anchor hold,
Till the gossamer thread you fling catch somwhere, O my soul.

Okay, perhaps this is a bit lyrical for my blog, but basically, I love the idea of seeking connections that Whitman is writing about.

Learning All The Time